Just because.....

Things are going to change (again)......

If you remember a while back, I blogged about wanting to rid myself of all the negativity in my life. I know that it's hard to escape sometimes. I mean look at the world that we live in right now. There's negative everywhere. It's all over the news. We hear about more soldiers dying overseas everyday. It makes me sad.

I even catch Richard saying negative things and I tell him to please stop saying them. Little eyes see and little ears hear, ya know? I do correct Kyra too when she says something that's not very nice that I don't want to hear.

I just want to purge myself of negative and focus on more positive things. I do read a lot of websites and blogs and chances are that if there's a lot of bitching and moaning going on, then I'll choose not to visit there anymore. I can't stand it. Every once in a while, I take a look at my blog and see how much negative there is in it. I try to eliminate negative posts. I don't want to bring anyone down with me. I hope that reading this blog is an enlightening experience and I hope that it brings a smile to your face once in a while. I choose not to go on and on about bad things. That's not what I want you to hear about anyway. Instead I'd like to focus on my childrens' achievements and my personal growth. I want you to be informed about what's going on because I don't see many of you too often and I know that you want updates. This is the best way for me to let you know what's going on. If you choose to read, fine. If not, then that's fine too.

The bottom line is that I want a change in my life, so I'm taking steps to make it happen. If you want a change in your life, then you have to make it happen too. Bitching and moaning about it won't help. You can't just snap your fingers and everything will be ok. It doesn't work that way. You are in control and life is what you make of it. Life is too short to focus on all the negative. Be happy for goodness sakes! Take some time and make a list of positive things in your life. We all are blessed and have so much to be thankful for! Most of us have it made in that we have the basics of life....food, shelter, love, friends, and family. I think that's all you need to get by.......

1 down and 12 more to go.....

Today was Kyra's last day of Kindy! WOW! Where did this year go? Seems like yesterday that we walked into her classroom for the first time and she was a little apprehensive about being left there. I was a wreck. Did I really have to leave my baby in such a strange place?

That all changed soon though. She grew to love and trust her teacher who she will miss tremendously (me too!). She learned more about letters and numbers and learned to read! Her imagination grew by leaps and bounds. So did her independence. She was forced to be a responsible student and loved it! My baby made friends! She got her feelings hurt once or twice. She got a perfect report card all year long. She got an award for Caring (which makes me so darn proud). Kyra had a wonderful year. She'll never forget it either. I can still remember so many things about my year in Kindergarten! I still see my teacher from time to time and am sure to give her a big ol hug!

I've been feeling really great the past few days. I think the hormones have evened out a bit (yay!). I have more energy that I've had in months. Yesterday, I was outside with the hedge trimmer and having a ball! Richard was laughing at me. He mowed, so the yard looks nice. Plus we've gotten so much rain! So he'll have to mow again next week! ;)

With all my newfound energy, I decided to take Maeve's crib down today. She's been sleeping in a twin bed for almost a month now. It was time. I did it all by myself when Richard was gone with the girls this afternoon. It was kind of bittersweet. I know that I'm completely DONE with kiddos, but part of me will always long for that little being to be all snuggled up in the crib and blissfully sleeping. *sigh*

So, Kindy is over and the crib comes down. What a day!

I think my next post will be about Maeve and her talking. This kid can talk! Oh my goodness! She NEVER shuts up! We are in SO.MUCH.TROUBLE!

In a fog....

I'm sorry for the lack of blogging this week. I've been feeling horrible since Sunday. I felt worse on Monday. Tuesday was better....a lot better. And today it's Wednesday, and I still have a rollercoaster of emotions. This is so difficult. I can tell that my body is thoroughly confused from being on two different medications that are trying to regulate the hormones. It's crazy! I know that this too shall pass. A few months down the road and things will be A LOT better! I just know it! My hormones have been out of whack for so long that it makes sense that it would take a while to get them back to normal. But I just want to feel like myself again! I'm tired of feeling sluggish, moody, and just being an overall pain in the ass. I know I'm not fun to live with right now. I swear that the hormones weren't even this bad when I was pregnant. BOTH TIMES! I'm telling you folks, it's bad! The thyroid is a critical organ in the body and when it's messed up, it throws EVERYTHING off! I feel so icky. It's hard to explain and I hope that none of you ever have to go through what I've been through. Thank God that you are normal and healthy because it sucks when you're not.

I'm going to check back with my doctor in a month and get bloodwork done. We'll see where my levels are and if my dosage on the thyroid meds. needs to be increased. I'm on a very low dosage right now, so I wouldn't be surprised if I had to increase just a little bit. I still don't feel 100% and it might take me a while to get there. This is a total trial and error situation.....you have to work to tweak your optimal dosage. This could take months.

I've learned a lot about thyroid disease within the last few weeks. Thank God for the internet! I've researched so much! I've come to grips with the fact that this is something that I have no control over. It just happened. I even found a statistic in a magazine that was very interesting. It said that 5-6% of women who are post-partum get hypothyroidism. I think that's what happened to me when I quit nursing Maeve. My hormones never returned to normal. I quit nursing her a year ago, so my thyroid just slowly shut down after that.

I think every "bump in the road" that's been thrown my way throughout my life has been there for a reason. I'll get through this. I'm already so in tune with my body and I know when I don't feel right. I thank God that it occured to me to get my thyroid tested. Everyone deserves to live their best life. I just hope that my best life returns soon! ;)

Friday randomness.....

-ONE MORE WEEK of school! I'm really looking forward to not getting up so damn early! I know it'll take Kyra a while to learn to sleep a little later. But I'll be patient. I guess. ;)

-I have mixed emotions about the Grey's Anatomy finale last night. I only started watching the show halfway through this season, so I know I've missed out on a lot. I want to buy seasons 1 and 2 on DVD. I think I'll do that this weekend. I've heard on message boards how good season 1 was, so I can't wait to see it!

-My dad told me something last night that made me laugh....and more importantly, made me not care (in a good way).

-PMS has reared it's ugly head, but it's a lot better than it was last month. Thank God! I think the meds. are working!

-Richard has been totally pissing me off lately, but again, I think that PMS is partly to blame. The other part to blame is just his lack of common sense!

-Every single day, Walmart calls my name......"Kim, you need this...." or "Kim, you need that...." I hate that it's so close to the house now!

-My appetite has returned after being gone for a long time. I'm like ravenous hungry all.the.time. Ugh.

-I still want to lose 10 lbs. *sigh*

-I have to go to the grocery store this weekend. I despise going to the grocery store on the weekends!

-Hopefully doing Yoga in a bit will chill me out some!

Technology has finally caught up with us.....

Tonight I was reading Kyra a book and it was a fictional story about an Owl taking pictures of his friends Rabbit, Hedgehog, Snail, and Mouse with his camera that had film in it. Things kept happening and he was wasting his pictures away. First he had 12, then he only had 11, 10, and so forth. After a while, Kyra noticed this, was frustrated, and said, "I don't know why Owl just doesn't start deleting pictures off of his camera!" OMG! LOL!

This clearly means that Kyra has no idea what film in a camera actually is. *sigh*

My how times have changed!

One of my biggest pet peeves.....

I hate it when people say that they are depressed. Are you really depressed or are you just sad? Because there is a HUGE difference. You more than likely have control over your emotions if you're just sad. Sure we all have moments in life when something brings us down. But being clinically depressed is a totally different story. You don't want to feel depressed, but you can't help it. You want to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but the train won't take you there. You want to get off of the rollercoaster, but it won't stop. In other words, you have no control over how you feel. There's a chemical imbalance somewhere in your body and that's why you feel the way that you do. I've been there, done that. THREE times, in fact.

After I had Kyra, I thought that being a mother would be the greatest and most wonderful thing ever. I had this precious little baby. She was plump and perfect. She was a spitting image of me as a baby. I wanted to take care of her and nurture her. Or did I? Shortly after Kyra was born, things spiraled out of control. I felt lost. I was afraid to be alone with her. I wanted someone around to help me. I was a mess when Richard went back to work. I couldn't handle the easiest of tasks. I didn't feel like me at all. When Kyra was 6 weeks old, I decided to talk to my doctor about it. She immediately put me on medication, which slowly but surely helped me out of the hole that I was in. I felt so much better within a month. Finally, I could enjoy my baby!

After Maeve was born, I didn't wait 6 weeks. When I felt myself going down that same road, I got on medication just days after she was born. I was very scared about taking it since I was breastfeeding, but everyone assured me that Zoloft is one of the safest drugs to take while breastfeeding. Again, I felt so much better and able to cope with being a mommy to a 4 year old and a newborn baby. I enjoyed motherhood with my two girlies.

Round 3 hit me pretty hard a few months ago. Something wasn't right. I just thought that my dosage wasn't enough, so my doctor increased it. It helped some, but there were other symptoms coming out as well. I thought that maybe my cycle had something to do with how I felt. I looked into PMDD. My doctor put me back on birth control to see if that would help. In the meantime, I found the cause of my depression, anxiety, weird cycles, being cold all the time, tired all the time, and heart palpitations. My thyroid was out of whack. Finally an answer! That explains so much! When your thyroid isn't functioning properly, it messes so many things up....from your metabolism to your thinking (I had brain fog for a while). The first thing that my OB/GYN said was, "Well now we know why your Zoloft hasn't been working as it should have!"

The bottom line is that sadness and depression are two totally different things. Prolonged sadness can lead to depression. You just have to listen to your body and know when something is a little "off". Don't wait to get checked out either. We all want to feel our best. So it's important that you see your doctor right away.

Airing out the dirty laundry.....

With all of the medical issues that I've had lately, I took it upon myself to talk to a therapist. This isn't my first time in therapy. Actually, it's my THIRD! Just to clear the air, you aren't some sort of freak if you go to therapy! I hate that stereotype! More people than you think go. You probably have a friend or family member that is going right now (and you might not even know it)! Some people want to talk about their experiences there and some don't. I won't go into extreme detail, but I will say that I have found someone for the first time that I really like. All of the ones before were fabulous, but I seem to really click with this one. Thankfully, Richard's employer allows each of us 8 FREE sessions per year if we need them! I think it's wonderful! I have taken full advantage of the opportunity and have been 4 times since February.

I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned a lot about how I should handle certain situations should they arise. I've learned that I'm STILL going through stages of grief. Right now, I think I'm in the anger stage. Am I angry at my mom for dying? NO. But, I do think that I feel anger toward other things in my life. Not my family. Not my friends either. But there's something in particular that has bothered me for a long time. I even posted about it a while back. We have had the chance to discuss it and I'm proud to say that the year is 2007 and I'm all about putting this certain circumstance behind me. I'll say that yes, it does involve a person. It involves a person that wants to have NOTHING to do with me. Yes, it hurts. But my therapist said something the other day that totally struck a chord with me. She said, "Hon, if this person doesn't want to respond to you, then they probably wouldn't make a good friend anyway. They probably treat others like they treat you. Do you really want to call a person like that a friend?" I don't. I had never thought about it like that before. It's really this person's fault that we aren't friends. Not mine. I'm not going to blame myself anymore. I'm not going to even try to contact this person anymore. I just don't give a shit anymore. I'm angry. I'm bitter. And it feels so damn good to get that out in the open!

I'm totally sick and tired of dwelling on this. It's not healthy. I have better things to do in my life. This person will NEVER come to their senses, so I'm not going to waste my time. I've had enough. I'm so blessed to have the wonderful family and friends that I do. I would hope that those that know me feel the same way.

Therapy is a great thing. It NEVER hurts to go if you need to. I've been alone and I've been with Richard. I don't regret any of the sessions. Each is a learning experience. I wish more couples would go through therapy before getting divorced. I think it should be mandatory. Maybe there would be a lot more reconciliations. We could use more love in the world anyway! :)

Thursday Thirteen....

Because I haven't done one of these in FOREVER.

Thirteen things that I want:

1.) A fancy, schmancy heart rate monitor.
2.) For the announcement to be made next week by NBC that "Friday Night Lights" will indeed be picked up for a 2nd season.
3.) Some Photoshop software so that I can get started on digital scrapbooking. I REALLY want to put my time and energy into starting this project this summer.
4.) For it to be July....because I heard that the cast and crew of "Friday Night Lights" will return to Austin in July to prepare to shoot a 2nd season. I really miss my man. *sigh*
5.) For Richard to find me a decent cable so that I can listen to my ipod while driving. Whatever cheap crap he ordered off of ebay DOES NOT work.
6.) To go to Corpus this summer and spend some time down there with friends....and Hilary!
7.) For Zoe to be completely potty trained FOREVER!
8.) For Zoe to loose all of her puppy teeth so that she stops chewing up everything in the house!
9.) The 1st season of "Friday Night Lights" DVD that comes out on August 28th. (Are you seeing a trend here? I'm totally obsessed. *sigh*)
10.) For the Serrano's and Chipotle to open soon in Southpark Meadows!
11.) For my mood and my energy level to keep improving!
12.) To lose 10 lbs. That's it. That's all I want!
13.) For school to be out, so we can all sleep a little later! :)

My Maeve.....

-First of all, it wasn't teeth that were bothering Maeve for the past week. Kid had horrible sores on her tongue! Owwwww! I have no idea where she got them from. I think she either bit her tongue and caused injury OR the blisters came from sucking her fingers too much. Anywho, she was in a lot of pain this week and refused to eat or drink pretty much anything for a few days. She lived off of popsicles. Today, I saw a different child. She finally wasn't clinging to me for dear life all day long. Thank God. That'll all change tomorrow though because I'll take her in for her 2 year appt. and that means shots. Ugh.

-My 2 year old counts to NINE! OMG! I have no idea where she picked this up from, but it is the cutest thing to hear! She puts her head in her hands and just counts away....as if she's playing hide and seek. So funny!

-Maeve also sings "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" and it is absolutely the most adorable thing to hear. I love it! I need to video her doing it. I just love that sweet little voice!

-I got a little DVD for Maeve with a lot of childrens' songs/nursery rhymes on it and she sings away to it. She even knows how to work the DVD player by herself. She knows where the open/close button is and Richard took a black Sharpie marker and colored the "Play" button black, so she knows what to do after she has it in there! LOL! Lazy daddy!

Kids!

-Yesterday, I picked Kyra up from school. I went earlier and went into her classroom as they were getting ready to leave. They had a sub, so they were playing the quiet game. One student gets to sit on the rocking chair and everyone is quiet and then that student picks another one to come and sit in the chair, etc. Kyra got picked after a while. She was looking around and one boy was making noise. Then Kyra says loudly, "Trevor, I'm NOT going to pick you because you're not being quiet!" It was so funny to see her so feisty! At least she was being honest! Then she went right back to being quiet again! LOL!

-Kyra and I were wrestling on the carpet yesterday with the dogs. We were trying to get Mia to save us from the "beast" (Zoe). Yesterday, I clipped Zoe's nails. She was being a bit too rough with Kyra, so Kyra took it upon herself to go into the kitchen and grab 2 HUGE oven mitts! LMAO! She said that she was protected from Zoe now! PIMP! Kids and their ideas!

-Yesterday, Kyra said something that wasn't too nice, so I politely said that I didn't like her anymore. Then she yells, "You HAVE to like me! I'm your kid!" LMAO!

Never a dull moment around here, I tell ya.......

Funny!

What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?

Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears, but every once in awhile, you get lucky, and get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!

Mr. Thyroid and I.......

I went to the doctor today to follow up on my appt. from last week. They drew blood last Friday and I thought that I was just having my cholesterol and my T4 levels checked, but to my surprise, they checked A LOT of different things....glucose, triglycerides, oxygen levels, good cholesterol, bad cholesterol, etc. Everything came back perfect! My T4 level was within normal limits, but it was a little on the lower end. So, my doctor wants to keep me on 50 mcg of Levothyroxine for 3 months and then have my blood checked again to see if my TSH level has changed. I'm fine with that. I'm feeling a lot better this week and I can tell that I'm gaining some energy back, which is great for as active as I am. I am in a better mood too and I feel like I can think clearly again and don't have that "brain fog" going on. So, I'm getting there.

Since my T4 level was within normal limits, it looks like we caught this thing in the nick of time. The T4 test tells us exactly what the thyroid is doing. Since that test wasn't that bad, I am probably considered "subclinical hypothyroid". That means that we caught this in its early stages.

Ever since my mom died, I am very much in tune with my body and I really try to pay attention to what it's telling me. Sometimes I obsess over every little thing. So while being so aware might be a blessing, it can also be a curse. I do live with fear in the back of my mind that I will die young. However, I am dealing with that issue. I'm talking to a therapist about it. She has a lot of good things to say. She tells me all the time that she sees that I'm taking care of myself the best that I can and have all of my bases covered. But the fear will always be there. It'll never go away. I think that all I can do now is trust in God and have faith and just live every single day to the fullest! I have learned to appreciate the little things.

There's not much new to report with the family. Things are sort of hairy here this week. Richard is going back on shift tomorrow night. Mia is a lazy dog. Kyra is reading better than I could have ever imagined at this age. Maeve is screaming in pain all day long and I'm losing it. I think she's cutting her 2 year molars. Zoe is pooping and peeing all over the house again. Lovely. I told Richard that I'm *this close* to putting her up for sale. Anybody want a cute chihuahua who is a pain in the rear? ;)

"Country" music?

The "country" music that's out these days is HORRIBLE! OMG! I heard this song ("Ticks") on the radio this morning. It just might be the worst song I've ever heard. The worst part about it? Brad Paisley sings it! I usually like his songs! Ugh!

Then there's crap like this out there too.

And for your viewing pleasure, here's a list of the worst country song titles.

-How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
-You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
-I’ve Been Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart
-I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You
-She Got the Gold Mine and I Got the Shaft
-My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend and I Sure Do Miss Him
-I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
-Drop-Kick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life
-Thank God and Greyhound She’s Gone
-If You Don’t Leave Me Alone I’ll Go and Find Someone Else Who Will
-I’ve Got the Hungries For Your Love and I’m Waiting In Your Welfare Line
-I Fell in a Pile of You and Got Love All Over Me
-My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
-I Wouldn’t Take Her to a Dog Fight Because I’m Afraid She’d Win
-They May Put Me In Prison But They Can’t Stop My Face From Breaking Out

WTF? Seriously.

Makes me so glad that we got to hear some TRUE talent last night from the likes of Adam Hood, Matt Powell, and Sunny Sweeny. Now *that's* good music!

Randomness......(again)

-Maeve had an absolutely fabulous birthday at her Papoo's house. The party was simple and fun! We had cake and pizza! Kyra has now decided that she wants a "Papoo Party" too in June! LOL! I guess we'll have to add some sprinklers and a swimming pool to the agenda next time!

-We put up a swing in my dad's backyard for the kids. It's hanging from the big oak tree. It kicks ass! Even Richard took a turn on it! (dork)

-I am feeling better this week. I'm still not 100%. It will definitely take a while to get there. At least I know what's wrong. My T4 levels came back fine, so it looks like we caught this in the nick of time. I'm very thankful for that. I will follow up with my doctor on Friday. I will probably have to go in every month or two to have bloodwork done to check my TSH level to see if it's coming down. But that's fine with me! At least I'm getting closer to feeling like myself again!

-Richard is officially FINISHED with his training. He goes to "B" shift this Saturday night. He's very nervous. Pray for him. I know he'll be just fine.

-Maeve now knows how to say "markers" and she asks for them instead of the crayons. Great. Once again, thank God for washable markers!

-Maeve is now in her "big girl bed". The crib is still up, but it's going to come down soon. She doesn't even bat an eye at it anymore. She climbs right into her twin bed for naps and bedtime. We have a rail that we put up for her. She's actually sleeping very good at night. Her covers stay on her better and she doesn't whine for us to come into the room and cover her back up. I'm kind of happy, but kind of sad at the same time. The crib will be put away FOR GOOD. *sigh* The only thing left is potty training (and she's nowhere near ready for that).

-Parents SHOULD NOT let their children push the little grocery carts at the store. It's not cute. It's annoying. I wish they'd all get out of the way!

-Maeve just wrote what looks like "hi" on her hand with the marker! I'm not kidding! My kid can spell! LOL!

-Dear Zoe, please stop doddling in the house. You do it behind my back ALL.THE.TIME. It's not funny. Your daddy is tired of it too and he's tempted to put your crate outside and have you stay out there!

-I just heard that it might be 90 degrees on Friday! Nooooooooooooo! I'm not ready for the heat!

-I can't believe that school is almost out! WOW! Time flies! I'll soon have a 1st grader! *sigh*

-I just took a video of Maeve singing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star". I'll try to put it up soon.