With all of the medical issues that I've had lately, I took it upon myself to talk to a therapist. This isn't my first time in therapy. Actually, it's my THIRD! Just to clear the air, you aren't some sort of freak if you go to therapy! I hate that stereotype! More people than you think go. You probably have a friend or family member that is going right now (and you might not even know it)! Some people want to talk about their experiences there and some don't. I won't go into extreme detail, but I will say that I have found someone for the first time that I really like. All of the ones before were fabulous, but I seem to really click with this one. Thankfully, Richard's employer allows each of us 8 FREE sessions per year if we need them! I think it's wonderful! I have taken full advantage of the opportunity and have been 4 times since February.
I've learned a lot about myself. I've learned a lot about how I should handle certain situations should they arise. I've learned that I'm STILL going through stages of grief. Right now, I think I'm in the anger stage. Am I angry at my mom for dying? NO. But, I do think that I feel anger toward other things in my life. Not my family. Not my friends either. But there's something in particular that has bothered me for a long time. I even posted about it a while back. We have had the chance to discuss it and I'm proud to say that the year is 2007 and I'm all about putting this certain circumstance behind me. I'll say that yes, it does involve a person. It involves a person that wants to have NOTHING to do with me. Yes, it hurts. But my therapist said something the other day that totally struck a chord with me. She said, "Hon, if this person doesn't want to respond to you, then they probably wouldn't make a good friend anyway. They probably treat others like they treat you. Do you really want to call a person like that a friend?" I don't. I had never thought about it like that before. It's really this person's fault that we aren't friends. Not mine. I'm not going to blame myself anymore. I'm not going to even try to contact this person anymore. I just don't give a shit anymore. I'm angry. I'm bitter. And it feels so damn good to get that out in the open!
I'm totally sick and tired of dwelling on this. It's not healthy. I have better things to do in my life. This person will NEVER come to their senses, so I'm not going to waste my time. I've had enough. I'm so blessed to have the wonderful family and friends that I do. I would hope that those that know me feel the same way.
Therapy is a great thing. It NEVER hurts to go if you need to. I've been alone and I've been with Richard. I don't regret any of the sessions. Each is a learning experience. I wish more couples would go through therapy before getting divorced. I think it should be mandatory. Maybe there would be a lot more reconciliations. We could use more love in the world anyway! :)
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